New Developments

This blog has been transcribed for me by my daughter-in-law, Mafa.

I haven't been into my blog for the last couple months having basically been pain free and dealing well with the regular procedural trips to the hospital. I could say that these has been blessings as they have taken me through the festive season enabling me to spend time with family and friends.

However in the last week complications had begun to set in despite the pain medications. I had observed and experienced sustained pain for several hours at a time.Firstly they came in spasms and when this was difficult to handle I went to hospital and was re- hydrated with IV Fluids. This provided short relief but the pains returned and in addition to this I began vomiting and having decreased appetite. My left hand is beginning to swell with the increasing growth of the mass on my neck. I also noticed that my energy to see visitors had decreased. This appeared to be difficult to be understood by those providing care around me which unfortunately meant that I had to see people despite my condition.

The second time the pains returned they continued for at least 6 hours. I thought the pains were connected to a need for tapping so I went back to the hospital. Unfortunately since it was the weekend I had to undergo a "blind tapping" (without a scan). However this was  unsuccessful as only a little fluid was drained. Following the tap I found myself very tired and was able to get about one hour solid rest in the hospital before heading home. Before returning home I was counseled on the need to increase my pain relief dosage and was given a vial of morphine. At home the pain started again and I was administered the morphine which  enabled me to get some real good rest, one of the first in many days.

Sunday was no better as the pain returned with a vengeance. Because of the length and the severity I began pleading with God to alleviate it but as this continued my cries turned into a release from this life. Mafa in desperation texted Talatala Joe Talemaitoga to request for prayers in her recognition for the need of Divine intervention. Although I subsided into some form of sleep I was still conscious to the hustle and bustle of the world around me even hearing Talatala Joe's voice out in the sitting room on his visit. I am very grateful to Talatala for taking out time from his busy Sunday schedule to respond to our request and pray that his ministry will continue to be blessed.

Monday morning saw us returning to hospital for I what I assumed would be another tap. However a scan was done before the usual tapping but there was only moderate ascities and so the need for the tap was put off. With some talking around my case it was deduced that the pains was because of the increasing stress levels. One may ask where this stress is coming from and I realized there are multiple sources.

1. Loss of income
2. Concern for Waisea's financial responsibilties
3. Decreased ability to assist my extended family financially
4. Denial by family members of my deterioration
5. Noted withdrawal of elements of support to my care
6. Routine responsibility around the home which I've always handled and that appears to still be on my plate
7. The pain of the prospect that I will never see my grandchildren grow and many others 

I see a need here to acknowledge the oncology Staff Nurse Marica Bau who in my eyes is a real angel, working against the most difficult and challenging circumstances but managing quite well on her own. This is me thinking, I wonder though if my case is given some diagnostic assessment because I get the impression that the form of palliative care is based on my "ignorant" needs. I do not think that I would be the best person to know how to alleviate some of the symptoms I have presented with at the hospital and wonder about things like blood tests, test on the fluid that has been drained out of my body and the extra scans for my liver, kidney and abdomen apart from the usual fluid level markings. I guess the prognosis is "that's all they can do" given my circumstances.