God is GREAT!

I just realised this morning having gained a little strength that the last time I wrote an entry was in early July and today is the 29th August.

After that last entry I was stuck in bed quite sick with little or no energy to do anything. I found myself in bed most of the day and only getting up for worship, to go to the bathroom, or to eat. These last few weeks have been quite busy at home despite my condition. We had family visit from Australia and Canada, we had Eli's 1st birthday and of course the constant flow of visitors from around Suva and from Lautoka. The house was a constant hive of activity, there was laughter flowing into my bedroom from the living area of the house and I felt so warm to be surrounded by so much love. 

I just realised when Waisea started going over his list of people who visited me that in the first couple of weeks of my time in bed that I did not have any recollection of their visit even if I had sat up to talk to them. I am however grateful to EVERYONE who visited me for their love expressed through their visits.

In the time I have been in bed, I have noticed an increase in pains, and difficulty breathing and even sleeping. Medications have increased in frequency with me taking panadeine forte on a 4 - 6 hourly basis and the occasional morphine when the pains were intense. The hot water bottle provided some relief and  became a friend.

The best part of all of this is that all my family have been able to share in my worship experience and have basically returned to their homes with a renewed desire to worship and to go to church. Oh, what joy that brings and the pains were worth it all!!!

Yesterday after weeks in bed I returned to hospital and was able to have the fluids drained. This is why I am able to sit up and post this entry. I must admit the hospital experience was not all that pleasant. The oncology nurse was on leave and support for the cancer patients was non-existent. When I was wheeled into the ward, the replacement nurse shouted from down the corridor that my bed was ready and pointed me to the room. I looked in and saw a covered bed, no pillow, or top sheet. I was asked to be there at 8am but did not get the tap done until after 3 pm. Luckily my sister in law, Moira was persistent and I was able to get attention and to get out of the hospital just after 5.30pm. As I looked around the room I spent hours in I wished for energy to get up and clean it, paint it and to de-clutter it. That is really no environment to spend hours of the day when in pain... the outer Lancaster Ward is a lot more appealing with fresh air and a more vibrant atmosphere. 

When I returned home Staff Nurse Marica was sent a text informing her that her presence was missed and am glad I sent it because when she went on leave she was considering moving out of oncology but the number of calls and texts from cancer patients were enough to make her reconsider her decision. Yesterday's experience proves that one person can change the atmosphere of a full ward just by their interest and care for people. I really think Staff Nurse Marica deserves a promotion as her work has much impact on cancer patients who go to hospital for treatment.

Brief time in a hospital bed

After a night of limited sleep and some pain at work yesterday morning, I decided to call the beautiful Oncology Nurse to inform her on some of the changes to my situation. She immediately called the scan room to book a scan for me and to set me up a bed in the Lancaster Ward.

Since I was at work, I called Tulagi who took me to the hospital. When I got to the Ward I was sent straight away for my scan. I smiled sitting in the scan room waiting for my number to be called. All the other women were pregnant and healthy, perhaps waiting news on how their baby was faring. I on the other hand had no baby, just a stomach distended enough to look like I had a baby.

When it was my turn to be scanned, the technician was told that they needed to mark the position for tapping. After a few seconds on the bed, the technician asked in some frustration, "where can we mark? it will be dangerous at the moment the fluids are covering her vital organs and their is a strong chance the doctors may puncture one of those organs". She then recommended that I return with a doctor.

Tulagi and I returned to the ward and since Staff Nurse Marica was not around, I got into bed (in my working clothes)! We sat there for a while and I began to feel hungry. I hadn't had breakfast and asked Tulagi to go off and fetch me something to eat.

While he was away Staff Nurse Ma returned and I gave her the information from the scan room. This was when she advised me to wait a little longer and not to drain the fluids just yet as in her opinion, once it is done, the fluids would fill up fast and would need regular draining. I felt it was good advice and decided to return home after that.

Before leaving hospital I commented that the ambiance of the ward was different and that was when I was shown around the ward. There were new curtains, beautiful flower arrangements and pot plants in Chinese clay pots. I did not have my camera with me to share  the new look Lancaster Ward. I was informed that the PM's wife, Mrs Bainimara and the army wives had the Lancaster Ward as a project and would be providing these fresh arrangements for the ward right up to the end of the year. That is worth a big vinaka vakalevu for the generosity and is indeed a wonderful way to touch lives positively.

9 months on

I am cognizant of the fact that one of the reasons for starting this blog is to inform other women about  ovarian cancer particularly here in Fiji where information is limited and too often is misconstrued to metaphysical levels.

Today's entry is to record some of the physical changes my body is going through, 9 months after diagnosis of Stage 4 Ovarian Cancer. A couple of months ago, I began to notice swelling in my pelvis and all the way down my left leg. Since it was my left ovary which was identified to be the primary site of  the cancer I could understand its location. Interestingly the swelling would subside but would return again. However, it is now a permanent feature of my body and I have become used to it. The left swollen leg poses some challenges.There are times I feel a stiffness in the groin and knee joints making it a wee bit uncomfortable to walk fast and to climb down stairs. I also notice I cannot walk with my normal 'healthy' stride as much as I would love to.

In the last week I have witnessed another change and that is the pressure building up in my stomach. This has somehow led to the growth of my stomach making me look pregnant. My daughter in law who is a medical doctor felt my stomach and suggested that there is a build up of fluids from the cancer, which she called "ascites". As for the swelling in my leg, she and Alipate explained that it is a sign of the cancer blocking the lymphatic system. What I have since learned is that the lymphatic system is a network of channels that runs throughout the body. One of its functions is to drain off the excess fluid which is eventually got rid of in the urine. If these do not drain and are blocked in the system fluid builds up.

In order to relieve the system of this fluid build up it would require a procedure where this fluid would need to be drained out of the body. I know this will need to be done soon.

Blessings in my life

He holds both his grandfather 
and great grand mother's name.
Born on the 8th August, 2011,
a special gem, God has blessed us with.

In the first week of his life 
he began his travels on the highway
between Suva and Navua, getting the name
"the Highway Man".

My prayers have been for God to hold him
close to His breast.
My dream is to see him one day sharing
actively in taking the gospel to the world.


In the last week-end spent with us
We have seen how he has grown -
his confidence in walking and talking.
What amazes me is how he easily takes
to the PTEC church family but displays
fear when his relatives come home.

This morning as we left home for work
it was heart breaking seeing the sadness
on his face and his expressions of unhappiness
in being left behind as his Papa, Nana, 
Tata Levu and his older sister drove off.

Lord, I am grateful for this time 

You have given me to watch Eli grow, 

to bond with me and to bless my

life with so much happiness.

My encouragement for today & prayer

I have told you these things so that you would find comfort in Me. In this world, you will suffer; but be courageous, for I have overcome the world! (John 16:33)

 My Prayer:

Thank you, Lord, for being there for me and allowing me to cry out to you in my times of need.

It is amazing to me that the Lord of the Universe would take time to listen to me and to care about what I say.

Awesome God, there are things happening to me right now that I do not understand. Some of these things make me feel weak, helpless and afraid.

Even in the midst of this, I know that you are the Lord.

I know that the situation is in Your hand, and I trust You. I beseech you for strength and for wisdom that I would be able to endure this cancer and be able to handle it in a way that would bring glory to Your name.

In Jesus name, I pray. Amen.

"Dont Waste your Cancer"

 This is an inspirational article worth sharing with others suffering from cancer.

 : http://www.crosswalk.com/1383847/

Dealing with the progress

At breakfast this morning Papa shares loud enough for me to hear what he had heard or read about Laisa Vulakoro's experience with a brain tumour http://www.taekamifund.org/ and how she was going to shave off her hair in support of the Tae Kami Foundation - WOWS (Walk on walk strong). I couldn't help but smile inwardly as I knew what he was trying to do and that was to encourage me not to give up on my fight of the cancer symptoms which appear to take on a new face each day.

Unlike Laisa who was able to get surgery in good time, my case like many other ovarian cancer cases was too late for any treatment. But I take comfort from the words of the late Tae Kami's song reflecting her journey with cancer:

WALK on, Walk Strong:

For the storm won't last too long,

Walk on, Walk Strong

When everything seems wrong,

Hold on,Walk On

Thru the fear and thru the fire

You'll find the way out,

Thru the pain and misconceptions,

Thru the sorrow and the doubt

When you look beyond your troubles,

Then you'll figure it out

You will find...

That the storm won't last too long

Walk on, Walk strong

When everything seems wrong,

Hold on,Walk On...

She's crying in the corner,

The work's never done,

I'm tryin to explain to her that the victory has been won

Don't Be Afraid

There's Peace Beyond the rain

I know...it'll be okay...

The pain never lasts

It's now  in the past

Hold on. walk on.

Words taken from:  http://www.taekamifund.org/tae_kami_medical_fund/2008/03/taes-song-walk.html