More reflections

My dear husband, Waisea has been at me for a few days now after having spent time reading through my whole blog. His gripe is about the fact that I still have not dealt with the possible causes and indicators which would be important in raising awareness for any woman out there interested in her own health and how best to prevent herself from getting ovarian cancer. In an earlier post, I provided a website which gave some information on the risk factors and symptoms. A girlfriend of mine who visited last week asked me how she could prevent herself from getting ovarian cancer and whether a pap smear would do it. I had to inform her that a pap smear would NOT detect ovarian cancer and that was something I had consciously done regularly anyway.

So what were my risk factors?

• Having a family history of cancer.
• Being post-menopausal, only in my case it was diagnosed earlier than most women who generally have theirs diagnosed after the age of 65. 
• Use of talcum powder between my thighs after my bath since I was a teenager. Studies have shown that this is not good as these powders have carcinogens in them. (http://www.naturalnews.com/029602_talcum_powder_ovarian_cancer.html) I only came across this information after my diagnosis and when doing research on ovarian cancer.

 My symptoms included:

• bloating.
• abdominal pains & pelvic pains.
• pain during sex.
• urinary urgency and frequency especially towards the end when I was diagnosed.
• just before diagnosis I began to notice that I fatigued easier, particularly in the evenings.

The Divox Accapella Group Visit

When they first heard that I had been diagnosed with cancer they called Tulagi to ask if they could come and visit me. At the time,  I was still going to work and going through life as usual and asked Tulagi to tell them that I was fine and that they could come later. They did not forget me and followed up on their request to visit yesterday. When Tu came in to inform me about their desired visit I was moved by the fact that this was a group of young people who were coming to express their love for a mother of one of their friends.

They arrived just on 7pm, last evening. In their presentation, they explained their connections to Tulagi through "Pacifica Voices" saying they were family and went on to apologise for their tardiness in coming to visit. They then went on to give an overview of what they planned to do during their visit before singing a few accapela inspirational songs. This was closed with a powerful prayer by Ben Narube.

After the formalities were over we spent some time reminiscing  on some of their performances that we had watched. I loved Tura's account of his performance with the Niuean students when his 'sulu' fell off and how he was unaware of it... that set everyone into spontaneous laughter. I know everyone at home was blessed by the visit and the expression of Christian love shared by a group of five young men who I wish to thank specially in this post. To Tura Lewai, Ben Naruma, Chris Cokanasiga, Ben Koroijiuta and Peter Cokanasiga, thank you so very much for your visit, every aspect of it was special! This was topped off further by the specially thought out things you bought to share with me. We must apologise for not noticing the long loaves of bread until after you had left. Eating them with you would definitely have added more time to your visit and to the fun stories we would have been entertained by. It is my earnest prayer that our dear Lord will continue to shower you all with His blessings in your professional, educational and personal journeys. God bless you, All.

Educating yourself on ovarian cancer

In many of my discussions with people who have known other people who have suffered from cancer here in Fiji when asked what form of cancer an individual had, the general answer given is "cancer ni kato ni gone". When this is literally translated it means, cancer of the "baby bag". Since my diagnosis in November last year I have basically done my own research to try and understand the progression of this type of cancer and what would need to be done to deal with each stage.

For all my friends out there, I have tried to share information which would be useful to you in this blog to help raise more awareness of the symptoms so that you get help well before it is too late as has happened in my situation.

This site is quite informative and would be good to read and explore: http://ovationsforthecure.org/aware/aware_facts.php

My 'Better-Half' - is one of my heros

Many people must wonder what it is like for that 'special other person' who travels the journey with someone diagnosed with cancer. To be honest, I cannot really say because I know much of what I observe is an outer strength, helping me deal with each new challenge many of which is new to us both. 

When I think about the last five weeks since getting really sick and being stuck in bed, I realise how much pressure he has had to bear. There are the demands of his work where he teaches 3 courses, (a 100 level, a 200 level and 300 level). For the average lecturer this is a heavy load and on top of this there are the other responsibilities which come with the job. I don't think I could have handled this even under ordinary circumstances and am grateful to his colleagues in the department who have been supportive during this time. I watch as he takes his work out at night to mark assignments, to do his readings and preparations and am thankful as well to our heavenly Father for the blessings He has given in keeping him healthy and giving him strength to get his work done.

My 'bad days' must be a challenge for him, I know he usually has to reshuffle plans to squeeze in moments to be with me. Like many other men he bears his load as a responsibility and does not have the time to share it with anyone, except our Heavenly Father. I hear his prayers when he is with me and am aware of his despair at times. There are so many other things he now has to shoulder but desiring to keep me happy is usually at the top of his priorities. I see his pride and happiness when Eli is around but also recognise that his sore knee is getting the better of him and lay here in bed wishing I could be the one running around after him.

Despite his tiredness, he gets up most evenings to administer my pain killers, to fill a hot water bottle when the pains set in, to hold my hand and pray with me, to sit and rub my feet because they are cold, to even play with my hair to help me sleep.

I know one thing, he has never given up hope of my recuperation, he continually thanks God for my good days, when I am able to eat a substantial quantity of food he praises God, he tells friends and relatives that we are travelling to Sydney at the end of the year and I can only thank God over and over again for His precious gift to me. I don't know how other men have coped having a wife diagnosed with a terminal illness, but it definitely would not be easy, psychologically, emotionally or physically for that matter.

Waisea, my soul-mate, the father of my children and grandfather of my grandchildren, I thank God for your life and your love.

Cherished moments - Quality Family time

Yesterday was Sabbath and the Vanuatu Students visited to fellowship during sabbath school 'time'. Although most of our family have gone back home the time was special just singing hymns and praying together and listening to a message of challenge from Brother Willie Luen. My thoughts were with the families who had returned home as well.

After lunch, the family ended up lying together on the sitting room floor in a circle. There was Tanya, Roger, Moira, Rosie, Richard, Mum, Pate, Mafa, Tulagi, Wais and Eli being the occasional distraction. I was blessed by this time, looking down at the circle from the lounge suite I was lying in. There was a peaceful atmosphere, everyone just enjoying each other's company, letting the scrumptious lunch digest and waiting for TL Joe to come in and close the Sabbath.

After the close of sabbath there was an air of excitement as everyone started talking about the truck ride to Deuba to have a picnic with their special cousin, niece and granddaughter, Tanya before she flies back to Canada.

Although I am here in bed, I just know what joy the family would be having, soaking up the wind and sand on the beach there in Deuba. Packing the essentials for previous picnics was usually my job so this was done after breakfast by calling off a checklist: chillies, salt, tomato sauce, a ball, the tarpaulin, the tent for Eli and of course the food and drinks. 

I look forward to the fun stories when they all return and pray for their safety and enjoyment while they are at the beach.  

Children say it as they see it

In the 5 weeks I have been in bed, I have been blessed by a constant flow of family and friends. What amazes me is the transformation that has happened to my body in that time. I have lost so much weight and because of the distended stomach, I find difficulty in standing upright or even sitting up normally. I have noticed the changes in the mirror on my way to the bathroom and photos taken in this time frame have shown me just how pronounced the changes have been. 

Last Sabbath afternoon, one group from the church family came to fellowship with me and to also close the Sabbath. Little beautiful Rhanisha comes up to me after the programme and says; "Aunty Lou, you have gone very skinny". The other 6 year old, Tumuteka, did not voice her thoughts but I saw them in how she reacted towards me, showing she was scared and unlike the past was not very willing to be hugged or kissed.

However, I sit here this afternoon praising God for today. I woke up at around 5 am this morning, had breakfast on my bedroom porch, sat up and did some internet banking, responded to messages sent to me from late July on FB, caught up with my beautiful niece, Tanya and sister in law, Rosie and am now writing another blog entry. I have not had any rest as required previously. I can only say, "thank You Lord for answered prayers and for this opportunity to get back into doing some of the routinal things I took for granted previously".

I may be down in the valley where my faith has been tested but the God of the Mountains has been there through it all.

God is GREAT!

I just realised this morning having gained a little strength that the last time I wrote an entry was in early July and today is the 29th August.

After that last entry I was stuck in bed quite sick with little or no energy to do anything. I found myself in bed most of the day and only getting up for worship, to go to the bathroom, or to eat. These last few weeks have been quite busy at home despite my condition. We had family visit from Australia and Canada, we had Eli's 1st birthday and of course the constant flow of visitors from around Suva and from Lautoka. The house was a constant hive of activity, there was laughter flowing into my bedroom from the living area of the house and I felt so warm to be surrounded by so much love. 

I just realised when Waisea started going over his list of people who visited me that in the first couple of weeks of my time in bed that I did not have any recollection of their visit even if I had sat up to talk to them. I am however grateful to EVERYONE who visited me for their love expressed through their visits.

In the time I have been in bed, I have noticed an increase in pains, and difficulty breathing and even sleeping. Medications have increased in frequency with me taking panadeine forte on a 4 - 6 hourly basis and the occasional morphine when the pains were intense. The hot water bottle provided some relief and  became a friend.

The best part of all of this is that all my family have been able to share in my worship experience and have basically returned to their homes with a renewed desire to worship and to go to church. Oh, what joy that brings and the pains were worth it all!!!

Yesterday after weeks in bed I returned to hospital and was able to have the fluids drained. This is why I am able to sit up and post this entry. I must admit the hospital experience was not all that pleasant. The oncology nurse was on leave and support for the cancer patients was non-existent. When I was wheeled into the ward, the replacement nurse shouted from down the corridor that my bed was ready and pointed me to the room. I looked in and saw a covered bed, no pillow, or top sheet. I was asked to be there at 8am but did not get the tap done until after 3 pm. Luckily my sister in law, Moira was persistent and I was able to get attention and to get out of the hospital just after 5.30pm. As I looked around the room I spent hours in I wished for energy to get up and clean it, paint it and to de-clutter it. That is really no environment to spend hours of the day when in pain... the outer Lancaster Ward is a lot more appealing with fresh air and a more vibrant atmosphere. 

When I returned home Staff Nurse Marica was sent a text informing her that her presence was missed and am glad I sent it because when she went on leave she was considering moving out of oncology but the number of calls and texts from cancer patients were enough to make her reconsider her decision. Yesterday's experience proves that one person can change the atmosphere of a full ward just by their interest and care for people. I really think Staff Nurse Marica deserves a promotion as her work has much impact on cancer patients who go to hospital for treatment.