Two hospital visits in 1 week

Last week I had to deal with much pain and discomfort. Firstly, there was the problem of pain whenever I ate anything. After contacting the oncology nurse she recommended a visit to hospital to have a scan and x-ray. 

However, when I got there and explained especially the challenge I was having with constipation she explained that it sounded like what I was experiencing is referred to as 'compacting'. I never really had constipation except when I was pregnant with my children and even then, it was no where near the pains I was getting. I think although it is such a personal and private aspect of anyone's experience, sharing this would help others who go through this understand what is happening to themselves. For approximately 5 days, I felt the urge to go to the toilet to pass motion however, what would happen is there would be some movement but this would somehow remain at the opening of the rectum and any form of exertion was painful. What I would basically find is a dry paste like substance and for this number of days it always felt as if I had not completed clearing my colon. In fact, there were times I would return to my bed feeling dissatisfied. The oncology nurse was very helpful to suggest an enema and after this was done I felt exhilarated and very relieved. I smile thinking about this because straight after I returned home hoping I would now be able to eat as normal. But this was not to be. The pains continued when I returned home and I was beginning to find my energy levels reduced dramatically.

So, on Friday morning we called the oncology nurse again and I made another trip to the hospital in the hope to relieve me of the pains I was experiencing whenever I ate. She ordered a scan for marking where the tap would be done. I was taken to the maternity scan room where my stomach was marked for tapping. Upon return to the ward the intern on duty came in and before long the fluids were drained out of the section of my stomach which had been giving me much pain. It has been four days since that tap and I thank God that I am able to eat and enjoy the company of the family during mealtimes.

I would also like to register another development. Yesterday, I conceded to the urging of Waisea and Tulagi to make the extra long road journey to the West following the PTEC choir. They had hired a van which they thought would be comfortable enough for the journey. They made one of the seats comfortable at the back of the van and asked me to go out and try lying on it to determine whether I would be comfortable enough on it. I did as I was asked and realised it wasn't all that bad after all. To top it all off Mafa agreed to join us on the trip and that meant several hours with Eli as well. 

Although we did not make it on time to the Warwick Hotel  we were able to get to Denarau, Nadi where the choir had its second performance. Tulagi and Wais joined the choir in Lautoka but I decided it would best to rest in Nadi and to travel back to Suva with them on the return journey. We arrived back at home close to 3am and I just praise God that the journey was pain free despite a few minor discomforts. 

I thank God that trip was possible and thank God for a persistent husband and son who did not give up on getting me to make the trip. I feel so much refreshed after the day out.

October symptoms

For a few days toward the end of last week I could no longer eat anything as each time I did, I would develop severe pains. I began to get scared to eat anything despite being hungry. On Sunday morning Pate and Mafa arranged for my tap. 

The experience this time in hospital was a little different. The intern on duty tried three times to extract the fluids but was unsuccessful. He then called for assistance. Another intern came in and managed after a couple of attempts. Two and a half litres of fluids were extracted before we returned home. I actually began eating while the tap was being done. Tulagi and Charmaine went to MHCC and bought me 3 different dishes to ensure I had something I would like to eat - they brought Indian, Singaporean and Chinese dishes.

Back at home for the next day I tussled with constipation and eventually needed a suppository to bring about total relief but that came after much pushing. I actually think I may have added some pressure back into my stomach with all the exertions.

Monday and Tuesday was spent in bed with some discomfort and pain. When I woke up on Wednesday morning I felt much stronger. However I had visitors and spent several hours sitting up. This took its toll on my body. By five o'clock I was able to have a bath and finally got into bed but that night was sleepless as I found the swelling in my thighs and pelvic area painful. Thursday was a much better day and although I had observed some pains after eating the pains were tolerable and  I was able to get some periods of deep sleep.

Celebrating a milestone

Eli and Uncle Jack showing off similar hair styles!

The PTEC SDA Church & Adventist Medical Students Birthday cards

Only one of the many cakes which Janice and Maree blessed us with

The children enjoying the afternoon

This last weekend was real special for me because I was blessed with another year of my life and more importantly was able to witness the first hair cut of my grandson, Eli Waisea Vakamocea.

Firstly, my birthday fell on the Sabbath, and despite waking up feeling some discomfort and pain we were able to get to church and to be further blessed by an encouraging and inspiring message by the President of the Seventh Day Adventist Church in Fiji. As I sat there listening to the message, what was reiterated for me personally was the fact that the Lord was challenging me with the story of Joseph in the Bible. Joseph, the brother hated by his older brothers, thrown into the pit, sold to Midianites, sold again to Portiphar, accused of adultery with Portiphar's wife and thrown into prison, but finally rising to power and becoming the one to rescue his own family during the famine. What Joseph endured were many years and circumstances which could have caused him discouragement but we learnt how he stood, reliant on God through each hurdle and in the end telling his brothers that the Lord allowed him to endure all of that in order to save his family. This made me grateful for succumbing to Waisea's persuasion to go to church despite what I was feeling physically. 

I observed that at the close of the service after the choir had sung the final hymn they remained standing upfront. I wondered what was going to happen next given that the benediction had already been said. Then the PTEC Chaplain, Talatala Joe Talemaitoga went up front, and began by saying that the day marked the birthday of one of the special members of the church, the projection crew threw up a birthday message which read: "Happy birthday Aunty Louise" and before I knew it, Talatala asked Waisea or Pate to wheel me upfront. The choir began singing happy birthday to me. It was a very moving moment for me as I was so aware of the fact that this is not something that is done for our members. I was also presented a PTEC birthday card (photograph above) and later, the AMSA medical students who are part of the PTEC congregation also gave me their card. The cards are part of the special momentos in my bedroom which are reminders of the many special people who have blessed my life. 

Earlier in the morning before breakfast, I was presented with Eli, wrapped in gift ribbons and my children and grandchildren sang me happy birthday. Oh such joy, it is difficult to describe.

I did not go into Facebook on sabbath and only went in on Sunday morning when Pate brought me his laptop to read a very poignant message written on my wall by my grand nephew in Sydney. I share this message in this post because as I told Marco, this was the best present any grandmother could have wanted. I request that as readers, you bear in mind the fact that this message was written especially for me by my very gifted and intelligent teenage grandson who is trying to deal with the challenges of this sin sick world. 

My present from Marco:

                           ....................................................

To Aunty Louise.

I don't really get along with my family.
I don't quite talk to them nor do I actually see them much now.
I don't uphold a religion anymore.

I'm sorry.

I'm a liar.
I'm a thief.

I'm a hypocrite.

I do drugs.

I'm sorry.

Please bear with me as I write this and you read this. I promise a happy ending.

To My Dear Aunty Louise Vakamocea.

You deserve to know the truth about me. I don't think I could ever tell anyone really all I have done, but you should know.

My earliest memory of you was when I was just around 8 years old. You came over for a while to see my mother, my brother Jawad, and my then newly born sister Zahra. I know you had visited me before that though I can't quite recall when or where yet I knew from photo I still have in my room of when I was a small toddler and you held me up with a smile for the camera...

I guess we can never really tell where that kid change to who I am today.

Although I can't really see the screen due to the tears that flow from my eyes I must continue.

Aunty, since that time it took a while till I would see you again.

Just late last year and the beginning of this year, my family and I (aha yes the whole lot) came to Fiji to see you. I knew beforehand you were ill, yet I couldn't really find evident the seriousness of it as you continued to shine bright with your smile and kept the family together while still holding to your religion. You love us. As we love you.

But nothing is always good. Never.

I told you I was doing good then. I wasn't.

By the time I came to Fiji, I had battled depression, dealt with drugs, drank alcohol, left my belief in the outback, attempted suicide, dealt grievous bodily harm to another human being, stolen clothe/money/food/a car/and other miscellaneous objects that weren't mine. I wasn't going to school, I have physically put my hands on my own mother and caused her harm. Everything that was ever good, that you ever heard was good.

Was most likely a lie.

I've done so much worse in my life, that if I were to speak of it, I would most likely kill myself half way through explaining due to the severe pain and hate I have for myself as moments in my life.

Come to now. I am no better now. I am quickly deteriorating despite the facade I put on. I attend counselling and am losing my mind.

Though things are very dark right now there is still a light at the end of the tunnel.

I have picked up going to school again.

I have nearly caught up on the all the work the school is due from me.

I have started to cut back my drug habits.

I am developing a healthy lifestyle with each passing day. (Except for the waking up early, I love my sleep).

I am trying to get along better with my family. Genuinely.

As for religion I'm not sure.

To Aunty Louise.

I wish you a happy birthday and a happy Sabbath.

I love you and hope for the sake of our family and especially for yours, that your passing will be smooth and peaceful, and that the remainder of your life is filled with joy and love from friends and family.

These tears that I cry are for all the times I turned my back when my mother asked me to call you. To talk to you. I'm sorry.

I don't know if we will meet again. As much as I hope so, I know that it won't be till the end of the year again.

So.

Tonight I pray for you. I know you never like being the centre of attention when there are always others in need of it, so don't worry, I'll pray for everyone else as well.

Yes, I know, who am I to pray to God, and call upon him, my only hope of him hearing me is that I was taught that He will never forsake me, nor forget me.

I can't send you nor find you a present so, this here is what I offer.

The truth.

Whether you find peace in Life or Death. I love you and hope the rest of your days are found and woken up to pleasure. There is nothing more to be thankful for then the present.

-With Love from your grand nephew ( I think that's right), Marco.

                          ...............................................................

Yesterday, Sunday was the day we had planned to have Eli's FIRST hair cut. This was done traditionally and Eli sat on his mother, Mafa's lap and his uncle Tulagi cut a strand of curls off the back of his head. Following the formalities of this symbolic hair cutting  the family asked me to move from my seat to the special seat where Eli had previously been sitting. Then I was given a surprise by the family who also wanted to formally wish me a happy birthday, the birthday cake was brought out and the candles were lit before the whole family sang, for the third time in the span of a few hours the happy birthday song. This was also unexpected and some questions immediately got answered because my Stewart cousins were also present as I knew Eli's hair cut would just be the immediate family. Spending time with Janice and Maree was also special and especially getting to know Janice's four children a little better was both enjoyable and entertaining. 

I am forever grateful to my special Mum, Waisea, Tulagi, Alipate & Mafa, Richard, Rosie, Luther, Chauny, Chermaine, Darlyn, Lewa & Joeli,  David, Roger & Moira, Salome & Miri, Lekima, Charlotte, Janice McGoon and Maree Stewart for all they did to make the occasion special for me. I must add that the food and desserts was not only abundant but very scrumptious - thank you a million for the expression of your love to me... I continue to feel very special and thank God for your lives.

MY gratitude to my visiitors

This list will get updated as new people or groups come in.
 
I would like to register my deep appreciation to all the individuals and groups who have spent time and their resources to visit me during the time I have been at home sick. May the Lord God bless you all abundantly for sharing your love with me and for being an inspiration to me.

This list does not include my siblings and close family here in Suva who have been by my side every day. I have also received many messages from across the Pacific  and the world via telephone, Face Book and through "Get Well" cards, these have not been acknowledged in this list BUT have all contributed in many ways to encouraging the family through this phase of my journey.

Overseas Visitors

• Pastor Faoliu Langi -  Former Stewardship & Family Life Director, TPUM now resident in the USA.
• Pastor Lawrence Tanabose, schoolmate at Fulton and now General Secretary at the South Pacific Division, Sydney. Australia.
• Pastor and Mrs Gary Webster, visiting evangelist for the City Evangelism.
• Bernadette and Peter Williamson, former work colleagues at the University of the South Pacific, now residents in Sydney Australia.
• Vitalyn & Iona Shankar - Family friends, Honiara, Solomon Islands.
• Kasanita Seruvatu - Brisbane Australia. Family friend. 
• John and Nellie Suffolk - visiting from the United Kingdom, John was a former colleague at SPBEA.
• Iain Lockie - former colleague at SPBEA resides in Canberra, Australia.. 
• Fred and Shobna Gibson, former colleague and family friends who now live in Dunedin, New Zealand. 
•  Tima Kaisuva - Cambeltown, NSW, Australia - a close friendship developed when I was studying at the University of New England, Armidale, NSW.

FAMILY

• Senorita Laukau, schoolmate at Fulton, my Tongan sister now resident in Wellington, New Zealand.
• Jessie Khan and Lala Laginikoro - aunt from Brisbane Australia.
  
• Bessie Langley - Bowry, schoolmate at Fulton, my bridesmaid at my wedding and my I-Kiribati sister.
• Eliza Puna,church member from the Cook Islands, friendships strengthened and is now like a niece. Studies in Auckland New Zealand.
• Robert, Shona and Mikayla Solomone - Brother, sister-in-law and niece from Auckland, New Zealand.
• Albert Solomone - Brother from Alberta, Canada.
• Tanya Solomone - Niece from Alberta, Canada
• Susana Khan and Avorosa  Vakanawa - my first cousin (sister) and her partner, Sydney, Australia
• Marilyn, Daniel and Isaac Chand - niece, husband and son from Sydney, Australia
• Louise Stephens, Zarah and Jafar - niece & namesake and 2 children.
• Charlie Vea - first cousin, Melbourne Australia.
• Bradshaw Vea - first cousin - Melbourne, Australia. 
• Jennifer Jenkinson - Brisbane, Australia - niece.
• Talei Driver Jarrett, cousin in law, Broken Hill, NSW Australia. 

Local Visitors

• Staff of the Secretariat of the Board of Educational Assessment (SPBEA) - Ana Raivoce (Director, SPBEA), Dr Richard Wah, all the IT team (Kinijoji, Chirag, Deepak, Shafraz, Eparama & Yashneil), Frank Hegerty, Betty Cokanasiga, Lavenie Josefo, Kitione Radrodro, Pene Antrea, Siaosi Pohiva, Molia Matau, Sereana Tagivakatini, Viniana Dobui, Adrian Alamu, Torika Taoi, Selai Qereqeretabua, Tuifua Takapautolo.
• Salote Rabuka and Titilia Rabuatoka - church family.
• Dr Priscilla Puamau - former colleague and close friend.
• Dr Eminoni Dakua - family - in-laws.
• Atelini Dakua and Peniasi Dakua - family - in laws
• Dr Winifereti Nainoca and Vivian Nainoca - former colleague (FIT) and close friends.
• Litia Mawi - close friend.
• Jiu Kubuabola - close friend.
• Filipe and Taka Nainoca - son and wife of me girlfriend, Wini. 
• Salusalu Manoa and Wati - family.
• Seni Nabou - former work colleague , FIT.
• Parnel, Vanessa Stewart & Janice McGoon - aunt and cousins.
• "Glory Four" - a Fulton College Gospel singing group which sings one of my grand-daughter's favourites "hey! what you gonna do when the Lord comes back for His chosen few".
• Mieka Danford and her mum - church family.
• Susana Tuisawau - my godmother and aunt.
• iPraise Singing Group - Tamavua English SDA Youth.
• Salote Rabuka and Tamavua English SDA Church Dorcas.
• Tamavua English SDA Church - Prayer Ministry Gp.
• Pastor Wame Sausau and the Elders and representatives of the Tamavua English and Wainadoi English churches.
• Weni Latianara Kasibulu, Latu Nailatikau, Mili Mataika - church family.
• Master Suli, Sarah and Suli Jnr Tamanalevu - church family.
• Akisi Mavoa - girlfriend.
• Siniva Laupepa, Niseta Buatava, Afshana Anzeg, Riteta Laulala, Roshila Singh, Shailesh Lal, Eni Ramere - former work colleagues at the Centre for the Enhancement of Learning and Teaching (CELT), USP.
• Dr Eileen Tuimalealiifano- former Director, CELT, USP.
• Ivy Pagolu & Jane Kanas - former CFDL colleagues, USP.
• Dr Alfred & Dr Rachel Liligeto, church & family.
• Ben & Helen Johnson - uncle and aunt, Natabua, Lautoka.
• Esther Ho - aunt, Benares, Lautoka.
• Rev. Reuben - minister Wesley Church, Lautoka. who accompanied Uncle Ben Johnson on his visit.
• Sister Valerie Ho - cousin, nun at the Lami Parish.
• Sister Miriama - accompanied cousin, Val, nun at the Lami Parish. 
• Kaminieli and Makelesi Tausere - church family.
• Ms Mary Montu, retired student counsellor, USP.
• Dr Rajni Chand, Jasbir Singh and Artila Devi - former colleagues, USP.
• Alanieta Lesuma Fatiaki and Dr Theresa Koroivulaono - former CFDL, USP work colleagues.
• Sulueti Kama - former work colleague - FIT and girlfriend.
• Asela Tuisawau - former work colleague & girlfriend.
• Ulamila Vakalalabure - church family.
• Moimoi Sausau, Emma Taufaga and Mavoa Taufaga - church family.
• Pacific Tertiary Evangelistic Centre SDA Church members- TL Joe Talemaitoga, TL Lasarusa Senikau, TL Sunia Lawedrau, Solomoni, Lanieta Kau, Moimoi Tagai and Terava Faatuuala, The Commissioners, Impact Suva Group 5, Adventist Medical Students Association(AMSA), The Solomon Island Students Association, The Rennell & Bellona Students, Tanoa Street Boys, The Vanuatu SDA Students Association, Alice, Tumuteka & Calvin Rore, Salome & Mesake Senibulu, Clement Ilopitu and Raynold Satorara, Sevuloni Ratumaiyale, Poasa Veidreyaki, Ty & Manasa Senibulu, Dorothy Duaibe & Brigette Osborne, the Tongan students, and their familes, the Fijians and all the PTEC families across Fiji and the Pacific who have been praying for me.
• Joan and Patrick Osborne - aunt and neighbour.
• Lawrence Smith - uncle.
• Tomasi Vakamocea - family.
• Dr Raina Prasad and Dr Jack Fong - family friends.
• Tinai Senibale, Vuda, Makereta & their mum Sukulu - family friends.
• Betty, Hinatea Hunt and Daniel Holmes - church family.
• Brown Street SDA Ministry children.
• Marovo SDA Rotuman Church
• Suva Rotuman SDA Community.
• Albert & Kwong Families & children including the Lewanavanua children who were visiting from the USA.
• Major Senibulu & Wife - neighbours.
• Agnes Stephens - aunt.
• Pastor Waisea Vuniwa & Family, Pr Paul Cavanagh, Pr Nos Terry, Pr Luther Taniveke, Pr Maveni Kaufononga & Annie Kaufononga, Pr Mike Sikuri & Family, Mac De Mesa (Trans Pacific Union Mission Departmental leaders).
• Pr and Mrs Safu Albert - retired church family from Rotuma.
• Mareselina and Edwina Tabalailai - former work colleague and daughter.
• Mose and Christine Nasoubuta - family in laws
• Ilatia Snr & Jnr Takali, Jessie and Irene Takali - family in laws
• Adi Lolohea Waqaliva - family - in laws
• Vatira, Atunaisa, Seniyasi - family - in laws
• Arieta & husband - family in laws
• Lanieta, Seva and children - sister in law & husband
• Milika & Zianne Ligabalavu - family
• Samu, Lenry and Lindell Ligabalavu - family - in laws.
• Semesa Naiseruvati - family friend.
• David Solomone - brother residing in Lautoka.
• Colin Solomone - brother working and residing in Rotuma
• Navua Hospital Paramedics Team.
• Pio Manoa Junior and Family - family
• Vadei  & the Nawanawa Methodist Sunday School Group.
• Iosefo Bele, Liviana & Benjamin Tabalailai- husband and wife - former colleagues at Lelean and USP, church family.
• Rosiana Lagi - former colleague at USP and church family.
• Divox Accapella Group - Pacifica Voices (PV) Alumni:

• Tura Lewai
• Chris Cokanasiga
• Peter Cokanasiga
• Ben Narube
• Ben Koroijiuta
• Pastor Aseri Sukanabulisau _ President of the Seventh Day Adventist Church in Fiji.
• Nora and Irinieta - family - in-laws. 
• Dr Romila Devi Gopalan - former student at Lelean Memorial School and now lecturer at the University of the South Pacific.
• Louisa Laginikoro, Sister Lavenia Henry and Margaret Aull - aunts 
• Dan and Lice Taufaga - church family.
• The Grace Teens Singing Group - church family.
•  Akata, Hupfield, Donna & Valda Hoerder - family members.
• Steve Waqanivavalagi and family - Komera, Valerie, Lilibet, Stephanie, Ilisavai, Billyboy        and Ben Narube - family.
• Joe Hughes, Ravu & Milly Hughes, Tikiko Naruma, Waisake Rabuatoka, Mereoni Robanakadavu, Litia Hughes. 
• Agnes Kotoisuva, Susan Sela and Mika Sela - former colleagues at USP and close friends.
• Ratu Alipate Nasoubuta - family from Korolevu, Navosa.
• Ratu Viliame Ligabalavu - family from Korolevu currently residing in Vakabalea, Navua. 
• Laisa Raqiqi - sister in law - Korolevu, Navosa.
• Amelia Vanani - sister in law - Korolevu, Navosa.
• Tolu and Maria Muliaina - former USP colleagues  and friends.
• Mary Chapman - former colleague of Mum's from Parliament.
• Alifereti Bulivou - former colleague of Mum's from Parliament.
• Betty Blakelock - friend from the Police days. 
• Pacifica Voices - led by renowned Pacific Island conductor, Igelese Ete and members of the Executive team: 
  • Ratu Eroni Ledua Dina
  • Ilisapeci Marau Buinimasi
    Soqo Karawa
    Jolame Cagi
    Aisea Rainima
    Simaima Bloomfield
    Fumaru Fatiaki
    Peter Waqavonovono
• Seini Kaisuva and her children, Joshua Nawaqatabu and Leilani - church family. 
• Akosita Vula Kaisuva - church family.
• Adventist Students Association (ASA) representatives. 
• Fiji Association of Women Graduates Executives and representatives.

        Dr Akanisi Kedrayate
        Lily Vesikula
        Elizabeth Fong
        Senimili Kamikamica Harrison

•  
• 
  
• 
  

A special piece written for me by a friend and former colleague

To Lou from T

Not often enough
Often not at all,
Words, sentiments, thoughts, feelings
Are not communicated,
To convey admiration, gratitude, simple appreciation.

This is one such moment,
Where the source of inspiration…
You, my friend Louise
Will read at your leisure
The measure of all that you have invested,
As a friend, colleague, unwitting mentor.

Three years ago in particular, collegiality forged a new path
Through unchartered terrain,
The roads ahead unmapped
The risks undefined, you led the charge,
Armed only with your passionate commitment and unfaltering belief
That service to learners, to learning…was the noblest cause.

Unassuming humility, the most attentive of listeners, perceptions honed
The exemplar personified, taught far more than the wisest sage,
Much more than articulate scholarship.

Forgive me my friend, for in a moment of weakness,
Those many years ago, challenged vision
Momentarily swayed by the persuasion of youth and inexperience,
Bowed shamefully to pressure unfounded.
Fortuitously, fortunately, good sense stood steadfast,
Prevailing over flawed judgment, and as I watched,
The dawn of realisation, supported your relocation
So that your integrity of purpose and profession
Recast itself with your determination, your conviction, your compassion.

You continue to inspire, with your courage, your indomitable strength, your faith.
The floodgates of constant callers…
Family, friends, colleagues, associates, fellow worshippers…
Testament simply,
To the wonder of Lou!
As a gentle wave washes soothingly through our senses
So too does your presence in our lives
And for all of this and more…
We are grateful.

 ............................................... 

Written by my girlfriend and former colleague: Dr Theresa Koroivulaono following her visit to me yesterday. This piece was posted in Face Book in an obscure place but it means so very much to me in this journey of life that I had to include it in this blog.

"Thank you, my dear friend T, for this piece which is moving and humbling for me. You have touched a special place in my heart today and I thank God for your life and pray that you will be blessed in abundance."

My Visitors

PTEC SDA Tongan Community Gifts

My 31st of August entry where I thanked friends and family for their visitations to me have been revisited many times for updating. In fact, I think I need to keep updating the schedule for each update so that the date is also updated.

I marvel at how I have been overwhelmingly blessed since I got sick to be able to spend quality time with a wide range of people from a variety of backgrounds and to experience love being demonstrated through the sacrifice of time, and gifts, prayers, empathy and care.

Many of my close friends and former colleagues have visited me multiple times and I receive regular calls from overseas friends and family who check on how I am doing. This is really the reason that I felt the need to write the earlier entry to provide them with some details of the progress of my experience.

On a positive note,  despite the progress of this condition, I was able to attend church on the 15th &  22nd, September and pray to be able to attend tomorrow's special service as it will be the last communion service with the PTEC family for this year.

Dealing with the symptoms

I have continued to get the chills before the onset of pains but I hasten to add that the intense pains have not been as regular. 

However, in the last couple of weeks I have observed my stomach grow and in addition to that the growth appears to be around my waist and lower back. We have good laughs about the 'new' shapes my lower torso has been taking. Since I can no longer lie on my sides the back has begun to get shaped by the special cushion I sit or lay on. It is amazing to observe how the body changes its shape and  I am sure one of the contributing factors would be the fluid retention and perhaps growth of the 'mass'.

I have observed in the last week or so that I cannot eat too much because at least 20-30 minutes after eating a meal I feel a tightening of my stomach and then discomfort and sharp pains. As I write this entry, I have a half filled glass of mango juice which looks so tempting but because I am currently feeling the after meal pains, I will need to wait until they subside before drinking it.

Another observation I have had and this has been for a few months now is the swelling which occurs every night to my upper thighs and the pelvic area. Usually it wakes me up as I feel very stiff and swollen. During the day this problem subsides and that is even with bed rest and my feet being elevated. 

The other night it happened, I woke up and went to the kitchen to fill my hot water bottle. Not a soul in the house heard me and I did not have the heart to wake them as their snores signified their deep sleep.

I did go to hospital for a tap but a few minutes into the procedure I felt much discomfort and the staff nurse removed everything off me. When the doctor finally arrived to check whether I would like the procedure continued on another side, I decided that it was late and I did not want to sleep in hospital. I have been home since that last visit, just taking panadeine forte on a 6 hourly basis to manage my pains.

More reflections

My dear husband, Waisea has been at me for a few days now after having spent time reading through my whole blog. His gripe is about the fact that I still have not dealt with the possible causes and indicators which would be important in raising awareness for any woman out there interested in her own health and how best to prevent herself from getting ovarian cancer. In an earlier post, I provided a website which gave some information on the risk factors and symptoms. A girlfriend of mine who visited last week asked me how she could prevent herself from getting ovarian cancer and whether a pap smear would do it. I had to inform her that a pap smear would NOT detect ovarian cancer and that was something I had consciously done regularly anyway.

So what were my risk factors?

• Having a family history of cancer.
• Being post-menopausal, only in my case it was diagnosed earlier than most women who generally have theirs diagnosed after the age of 65. 
• Use of talcum powder between my thighs after my bath since I was a teenager. Studies have shown that this is not good as these powders have carcinogens in them. (http://www.naturalnews.com/029602_talcum_powder_ovarian_cancer.html) I only came across this information after my diagnosis and when doing research on ovarian cancer.

 My symptoms included:

• bloating.
• abdominal pains & pelvic pains.
• pain during sex.
• urinary urgency and frequency especially towards the end when I was diagnosed.
• just before diagnosis I began to notice that I fatigued easier, particularly in the evenings.

The Divox Accapella Group Visit

When they first heard that I had been diagnosed with cancer they called Tulagi to ask if they could come and visit me. At the time,  I was still going to work and going through life as usual and asked Tulagi to tell them that I was fine and that they could come later. They did not forget me and followed up on their request to visit yesterday. When Tu came in to inform me about their desired visit I was moved by the fact that this was a group of young people who were coming to express their love for a mother of one of their friends.

They arrived just on 7pm, last evening. In their presentation, they explained their connections to Tulagi through "Pacifica Voices" saying they were family and went on to apologise for their tardiness in coming to visit. They then went on to give an overview of what they planned to do during their visit before singing a few accapela inspirational songs. This was closed with a powerful prayer by Ben Narube.

After the formalities were over we spent some time reminiscing  on some of their performances that we had watched. I loved Tura's account of his performance with the Niuean students when his 'sulu' fell off and how he was unaware of it... that set everyone into spontaneous laughter. I know everyone at home was blessed by the visit and the expression of Christian love shared by a group of five young men who I wish to thank specially in this post. To Tura Lewai, Ben Naruma, Chris Cokanasiga, Ben Koroijiuta and Peter Cokanasiga, thank you so very much for your visit, every aspect of it was special! This was topped off further by the specially thought out things you bought to share with me. We must apologise for not noticing the long loaves of bread until after you had left. Eating them with you would definitely have added more time to your visit and to the fun stories we would have been entertained by. It is my earnest prayer that our dear Lord will continue to shower you all with His blessings in your professional, educational and personal journeys. God bless you, All.

Educating yourself on ovarian cancer

In many of my discussions with people who have known other people who have suffered from cancer here in Fiji when asked what form of cancer an individual had, the general answer given is "cancer ni kato ni gone". When this is literally translated it means, cancer of the "baby bag". Since my diagnosis in November last year I have basically done my own research to try and understand the progression of this type of cancer and what would need to be done to deal with each stage.

For all my friends out there, I have tried to share information which would be useful to you in this blog to help raise more awareness of the symptoms so that you get help well before it is too late as has happened in my situation.

This site is quite informative and would be good to read and explore: http://ovationsforthecure.org/aware/aware_facts.php

My 'Better-Half' - is one of my heros

Many people must wonder what it is like for that 'special other person' who travels the journey with someone diagnosed with cancer. To be honest, I cannot really say because I know much of what I observe is an outer strength, helping me deal with each new challenge many of which is new to us both. 

When I think about the last five weeks since getting really sick and being stuck in bed, I realise how much pressure he has had to bear. There are the demands of his work where he teaches 3 courses, (a 100 level, a 200 level and 300 level). For the average lecturer this is a heavy load and on top of this there are the other responsibilities which come with the job. I don't think I could have handled this even under ordinary circumstances and am grateful to his colleagues in the department who have been supportive during this time. I watch as he takes his work out at night to mark assignments, to do his readings and preparations and am thankful as well to our heavenly Father for the blessings He has given in keeping him healthy and giving him strength to get his work done.

My 'bad days' must be a challenge for him, I know he usually has to reshuffle plans to squeeze in moments to be with me. Like many other men he bears his load as a responsibility and does not have the time to share it with anyone, except our Heavenly Father. I hear his prayers when he is with me and am aware of his despair at times. There are so many other things he now has to shoulder but desiring to keep me happy is usually at the top of his priorities. I see his pride and happiness when Eli is around but also recognise that his sore knee is getting the better of him and lay here in bed wishing I could be the one running around after him.

Despite his tiredness, he gets up most evenings to administer my pain killers, to fill a hot water bottle when the pains set in, to hold my hand and pray with me, to sit and rub my feet because they are cold, to even play with my hair to help me sleep.

I know one thing, he has never given up hope of my recuperation, he continually thanks God for my good days, when I am able to eat a substantial quantity of food he praises God, he tells friends and relatives that we are travelling to Sydney at the end of the year and I can only thank God over and over again for His precious gift to me. I don't know how other men have coped having a wife diagnosed with a terminal illness, but it definitely would not be easy, psychologically, emotionally or physically for that matter.

Waisea, my soul-mate, the father of my children and grandfather of my grandchildren, I thank God for your life and your love.

Cherished moments - Quality Family time

Yesterday was Sabbath and the Vanuatu Students visited to fellowship during sabbath school 'time'. Although most of our family have gone back home the time was special just singing hymns and praying together and listening to a message of challenge from Brother Willie Luen. My thoughts were with the families who had returned home as well.

After lunch, the family ended up lying together on the sitting room floor in a circle. There was Tanya, Roger, Moira, Rosie, Richard, Mum, Pate, Mafa, Tulagi, Wais and Eli being the occasional distraction. I was blessed by this time, looking down at the circle from the lounge suite I was lying in. There was a peaceful atmosphere, everyone just enjoying each other's company, letting the scrumptious lunch digest and waiting for TL Joe to come in and close the Sabbath.

After the close of sabbath there was an air of excitement as everyone started talking about the truck ride to Deuba to have a picnic with their special cousin, niece and granddaughter, Tanya before she flies back to Canada.

Although I am here in bed, I just know what joy the family would be having, soaking up the wind and sand on the beach there in Deuba. Packing the essentials for previous picnics was usually my job so this was done after breakfast by calling off a checklist: chillies, salt, tomato sauce, a ball, the tarpaulin, the tent for Eli and of course the food and drinks. 

I look forward to the fun stories when they all return and pray for their safety and enjoyment while they are at the beach.  

Children say it as they see it

In the 5 weeks I have been in bed, I have been blessed by a constant flow of family and friends. What amazes me is the transformation that has happened to my body in that time. I have lost so much weight and because of the distended stomach, I find difficulty in standing upright or even sitting up normally. I have noticed the changes in the mirror on my way to the bathroom and photos taken in this time frame have shown me just how pronounced the changes have been. 

Last Sabbath afternoon, one group from the church family came to fellowship with me and to also close the Sabbath. Little beautiful Rhanisha comes up to me after the programme and says; "Aunty Lou, you have gone very skinny". The other 6 year old, Tumuteka, did not voice her thoughts but I saw them in how she reacted towards me, showing she was scared and unlike the past was not very willing to be hugged or kissed.

However, I sit here this afternoon praising God for today. I woke up at around 5 am this morning, had breakfast on my bedroom porch, sat up and did some internet banking, responded to messages sent to me from late July on FB, caught up with my beautiful niece, Tanya and sister in law, Rosie and am now writing another blog entry. I have not had any rest as required previously. I can only say, "thank You Lord for answered prayers and for this opportunity to get back into doing some of the routinal things I took for granted previously".

I may be down in the valley where my faith has been tested but the God of the Mountains has been there through it all.